i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
