Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
