i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
