the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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