This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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