walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
