OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
