Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
