I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
