MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
