Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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