C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
