I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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