tell your sister to shave her snatch
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
