its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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