pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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