I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My penis needs a shock collar
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
