I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
