I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
