I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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