...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
