he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
