I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
