You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
