I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
