3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He did a backflip because drugs
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