I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
