your thong is hanging out like whoa
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
