i barfeds in our rink
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She made me pour olive oil on her.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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