If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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