You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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