roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wish I only lived at night.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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