Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
