When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
