Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
