did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
