how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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