My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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