I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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