He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
