Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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