sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
