In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
