you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
