Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
