I wish I could teleport
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
