3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It was confusing and full of hummus
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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