Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
