i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
