so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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