I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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