Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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